That Reminds Me...
Speaking of all that change that i keep in my car, i was recently reminded of a story which illustrates yet another use for it. Well, maybe not a common use, but one which i saw fit...at least once upon a time.
So, i was driving through San Francisco after seeing Miss Kitty one morning. Now, a little background here, in my world driving in San Francisco is agony on its highest level. I won't go into all the reason that cause me to feel that way right now, just take my word on it. I hate it the way a fetus hates a coat hanger.
Anyway, i was driving home and found myself in the far left lane of a four lane road behind a car driving excessively slow. So, i put my blinker on and, just as i was about to slide over a lane, the dude on the motorcycle behind me, skids to the right and floors it, charging at all costs to get around me before i got over. What an asshole, right? Well, whatever, that's par for the course here. So now i'm behind the dude on the bike, which i now notice is also carrying his girlfriend (wife? does it matter?). Well, after nearly side-swiping me to get by, Senior Awesome Driver decides that he should now drive slow. Have i mentioned that i hate it when people break their necks to get in front of you, then forget where the gas is? Ok, no biggie though, i'll just slide one more lane over, right? As i do, he does the same, despite the fact that there was no one in front of him...is he trying to piss me off? He couldn't have cut me off any more accurately if he had tried. Ok, chill Matty, we'll just pass him on the final remaining lane. As sson as i make my move, he attempts to beat me to the lane again. This time i'm ready, i downshift and blow by him, forcing him back into his lane. As you can imagine, this drew a reaction from him.
Suddenly, he is right on my ass, waving his hand at me as he narrowly avoids colliding with my rear bumper a few times. I'm actually pretty chill. If he hits my car, i will calmly get out of my car, pull him off his bike and break his face right in front of his woman. No problem, right?
Well, that was before he shot me the bird, i shot it back and...then she busted it out as well. To this point, i had been ok, but something about there suddenly being a pair of assholes on the bike, rather than just the one, temporarily cost me my sanity. I rolled down the drivers side window, signalled for him to get alongside me and then slowed down until he was forced to go around. I accelerated to keep speed with him. Then, as we barrelled down a city street at about 40, i gathered a fist full of change from my console and hurled it at them!
I can still remember the sound of 1000 different different clinks and clanks as the money rained across their helmets and absolutely every part of the bike. They sped away, very quickly.
It took me the rest of the trip to realize how psycho i had just gone.
So, i was driving through San Francisco after seeing Miss Kitty one morning. Now, a little background here, in my world driving in San Francisco is agony on its highest level. I won't go into all the reason that cause me to feel that way right now, just take my word on it. I hate it the way a fetus hates a coat hanger.
Anyway, i was driving home and found myself in the far left lane of a four lane road behind a car driving excessively slow. So, i put my blinker on and, just as i was about to slide over a lane, the dude on the motorcycle behind me, skids to the right and floors it, charging at all costs to get around me before i got over. What an asshole, right? Well, whatever, that's par for the course here. So now i'm behind the dude on the bike, which i now notice is also carrying his girlfriend (wife? does it matter?). Well, after nearly side-swiping me to get by, Senior Awesome Driver decides that he should now drive slow. Have i mentioned that i hate it when people break their necks to get in front of you, then forget where the gas is? Ok, no biggie though, i'll just slide one more lane over, right? As i do, he does the same, despite the fact that there was no one in front of him...is he trying to piss me off? He couldn't have cut me off any more accurately if he had tried. Ok, chill Matty, we'll just pass him on the final remaining lane. As sson as i make my move, he attempts to beat me to the lane again. This time i'm ready, i downshift and blow by him, forcing him back into his lane. As you can imagine, this drew a reaction from him.
Suddenly, he is right on my ass, waving his hand at me as he narrowly avoids colliding with my rear bumper a few times. I'm actually pretty chill. If he hits my car, i will calmly get out of my car, pull him off his bike and break his face right in front of his woman. No problem, right?
Well, that was before he shot me the bird, i shot it back and...then she busted it out as well. To this point, i had been ok, but something about there suddenly being a pair of assholes on the bike, rather than just the one, temporarily cost me my sanity. I rolled down the drivers side window, signalled for him to get alongside me and then slowed down until he was forced to go around. I accelerated to keep speed with him. Then, as we barrelled down a city street at about 40, i gathered a fist full of change from my console and hurled it at them!
I can still remember the sound of 1000 different different clinks and clanks as the money rained across their helmets and absolutely every part of the bike. They sped away, very quickly.
It took me the rest of the trip to realize how psycho i had just gone.
posted by Cowboy Matty | 3:18 PM
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